A thought…

 Why is it that on the first day of any break you are still awake at silly o’clock, got so much to do, and still absolutely exhausted? Where dentists and opticians and doctors and hairdressers and appointments with a whole range of different professionals take place, simply because we are too guilty or conscientious to ask for time off for our own health.

The eternal question really, when we are at our lowest energy and really ought to be resting in order to get through whatever the next half term throws at us, we snow ourselves under with: appointments and chores and visiting and thinking about work and trying not to think about work and feeling guilty about doing so, including those students we always worry about, and our own family need us and older parents need us and partners need us. It all can get really overwhelming. 

Sometimes I just need me.

The first morning of any holiday I always put in the family diary mummy’s disappearing time. I don’t literally disappear although it often feels like I might be trying to, the way the family try to step in front of me having this. But all I do is go out. I go walk around a shop, or go to a park, or sit in my car near a nice view. All I do is rest my head. I find a few moments for me before the parts of my life which have patiently waited on a shelf for me, waiting until I’m clear of work,(like that ever happens) and want all of me for themselves, to store up those hugs and talks and chores once again until I’m off again and to remember what we all do the 6am to 10pm daily grind. 

Upon returning, my family are still there, still happy to see me, still wanting all of my attention but having had my reset morning I can smile back at them, read a book, play with Lego or k’nex or practise sports or a whole list of things that constitute normal life.

I am exhausted most evenings and I’m sometimes less than a good example but I keep going.

Mistakes are inevitable, please, let’s not be too harsh on ourselves.